My grandparents were given the chance to go to college, buy their first home, and fulfill the basic bargain at the heart of America's story: the promise that hard work will pay off; that responsibility will be rewarded; that everyone gets a fair shot, and everyone does their fair share, and everyone plays by the same rules -- from Main Street to Wall Street to Washington, DC.*As a child, I was a classic overachieving firstborn who thrived on "fairness". My sister and I are very close in age, so whatever one got, the other also received (or equivalent in order to ensure fairness). While fairness was a pretty common way of life at home, I had no guarantee that other arenas of my life would stick to the fairness clause. Playing childhood games around the neighborhood often resulted in my sulking because a rule wasn't fair. Or in gym class, I'd be one of the last kids picked for a team because I wasn't particularly athletic. As an adult, I still love the idea of fairness. I like to think I practice it as best I can at work and in my interactions with others.
I've been listening to NPR's On Being podcast this week; a Civil Conversations Project discussion about the future of marriage equality (which you can read about and listen to here). One of the speakers is pro-gay marriage, the other is against it. Still, they are able to sit down and speak civilly with each other as thinkers, activists, and friends even though they vehemently disagree. And this conversation made me think: what would the world look like if we treated every single person we met with the utmost fairness?
And then I thought: What if we could be greater than fair? What if we approached each conversation, each interaction with each person in our life from a place of fairness and respect, even if we disagree with that person to the core?
In President Obama's quote above, the crux of his argument is that everyone in America has a right to flourish; it's only fair. Our nation was built on the ideal that each person can fulfill their own destiny given a fair shot. (Although, over the centuries, some have been given less of a fair shot than others. Still, we are moving toward a place of total equality for all--a fair shot for each person regardless of race, gender/sex, or sexual orientation.) When we treat our neighbors and those in our community from a beginning place of mutual respect and fairness, we have already covered so much ground. It says, I respect your struggle. I respect the work you are trying to do with your life. I respect your right to your own opinion, even if I do not share that opinion.
For me, being fair means I need to work on being a better listener. And I sometimes find myself guilty of being close-minded as a liberal--making assumptions and generalizations about those with whom I disagree. If we could all identify what we need to work on to make our interactions with others start from a place of fairness, we'd see that we would make a lot of progress.
*There are so many more quotes I wanted to add; if you haven't heard/read the speech yet, you can do so here.
